Highs and Lows

 Yesterday was a great day with you! I took you, your bio dad, and bio uncle to the zoo. It was such a great experience! You got to feed the giraffes and they licked your hand. I joked that I should have put the lettuce up by your face to see if it would lick your face but I just couldn't actually do it. You sure did give me a workout. The zoo here requires us to climb a mountain and when you are in your chair, I have to push like 200lbs! It's crazy! My legs were burning but giving you this experience was worth it for sure. I kept trying to get the birds to come down from the trees with the stick of food but they just couldn't be persuaded. We had expensive zoo pizza and you seemed to like the sauce. It was a crazy day! It was a beautiful day when we got there and then when we came out of the pizza shop, it was getting really cold. We headed towards the penguins and it started snowing! The penguins were an interesting experience because of some shenanigans they were doing while we were there but luckily you didn't understand that. We went on to the monkeys, which is my favorite, and the hippos despite the snow. We made it back down the mountain and did a little shopping. Drove you to the doctor to have them look at your tube and then dropped your bio family off. It was a very busy day but I loved it! 

I don't like to show you that I am in pain. I tore my bicep a little while back when I was picking you up. I got a shot of cortisone from the doctor and it seemed to have been working but I did something in the past two days that has irritated it and it just keeps feeling worse. My hubby encouraged me to take the day to rest so that I can try and recover, take care of myself. I don't know how to do that. I just want to give to you and not care for myself, even though everyone tells me that I should. So today, I have been trying to lay around and rest, letting you stay in bed and rest too. However, my head keeps telling me that I am not being a good mom to you. I don't want to let you down. I feel like letting you stay in bed all day is horrible and I don't like doing it. I just want to do everything with you that I possibly can and I want to give you everything that you never have gotten to have. Keeping you in bed reminds me of the life you used to have and I hate this. I want to give you the world! I am so in my head right now. I hope you will forgive me for the lazy day and we can start refreshed tomorrow! I love you kiddo!

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